Failure has been a part of my life since I can remember. From childhood attitudes to leadership blunders; I’ve had my fair share. The truth is we all fail; it’s what we do with it that determines whether we flourish or get stuck.
Can you identify?
Here is a STORY that will encourage you:
During a youth service years ago, the worship team was changing songs. The room had been engaged and alive until Mari, our worship leader, started talking to another team member for longer than normal, putting worship on pause. I could feel people disengaging from worship as they waited for the next song to begin.
After thirty seconds, I walked on stage and said to her, “you are quenching the Spirit of God.” I walked back to the front row, with a familiar sense in the pit of my stomach that I just screwed up in a huge way! This unwarranted sharp rebuke destroyed her—I was the one who had just quenched the Spirit of God, not her.
Speaking, before seeking to understand, was a massive failure in my leadership that created a colossal mess.
My actions crushed a spiritual daughter that was doing her best and needed my help.
Afterward, I pulled Mari aside and groveled in repentance attempting to clean up my mess, remove the sting of my failure, and restore trust.
I soon discovered that her teammate couldn’t hear the tone to sing the next song. They needed help from their leader, not crushed by him.
Here is what I learned from my failure:
- Kids disengaging for a minute is not a big deal.
- I just made a gigantic mess and broke trust with someone very special to me.
- My lack of self-control made me a scary, unpredictable leader that would be hard for anyone to serve if I didn’t change.
- I needed to seek to understand what’s going on before acting next time.
- How I clean up this mess determines whether I can be trusted more, or less, from this moment on.
Many times we look at leaders and think they have it all together, but the truth is every leader has failed forward into destiny.
Here are 3 keys to failing forward:
1. Failure is only fatal if you quit.
Shame is a nasty voice that wants you to hide and act like nothing bad happened. If your identity is wrapped up in what you do, you can’t handle it if you make a mistake. People that live this way will have a string of broken relationships in their wake, and never build anything lasting.
When you quit, it doesn’t mean you won't face your failure. God, in His love and mercy will always give you another opportunity to face yourself again. You can run, but you can’t hide. This is for you good so you keep growing.
You have to determine that no matter what you feel, or how bad you want to run Jesus is Lord, not my failure, feelings, or the opinions of others. I am staying right here to learn from this moment.
You are not a quitter.
Action step:
- Get vulnerable with someone you trust to help you.
- Make the decision to not run from this moment.
- Sit with the Holy Spirit and invite Him to show you how he feels about you in this moment.
Declarations for moments of failure:
- God is using this moment to show me his grace.
- I will become a better person through this.
- Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."
- My worst failure can’t separate me from the love of God.
- Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart and saves such as have a contrite spirit."
Click here
to read my blog 5 things I do when I feel like quitting.
2. What you do with failure determines whether you
grow or get stuck.
There are only two heart choices you have when you fail;
pride
or
humility.
James 4:6 says, “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”
Life gets heavy
when you cast blame, run, or refuse
to own
your failure because God resists pride. Even when King David failed in his worst moment, he cried out to God in his agony and the Lord met him there. God is gracious to the humble.
It’s that simple.
Often, failure creates a mess that needs to be cleaned up.
As a leader, it's challenging to build with someone who refuses to own a mess, because trust has been compromised.
I can’t build a relationship with someone who won't own their decisions because it becomes difficult to trust them.
Taking personal responsibility for failure is how you grow and become trustworthy.
Click here
for a Navy Seal’s compelling story on how he handled his own failure leading troops in war.
Action Step:
- Sit with the Holy Spirit and ask what attitudes and actions you need to own?
- What beliefs or lies are holding you back from owning it in the middle of failure.
- Decide to take responsibility, because that’s the person you are choosing to be whether people forgive you or not.
- Who do you need to talk to and own your mess with?
- Be sure to humble yourself before God, then humble yourself to people. This is how you clean up your failure with more than words. When your spirit is right, it’s felt by the people you are owning it with.
Here is how you clean up your mess (adjust to fit your circumstance):
- I was wrong when I said ____, please forgive me for the way I affected you. I will do my best to never let this happen again.
- My attitude was off when I talked to you, please forgive me for the way I affected you. I will bring my best next time.
- I apologize for not keeping my word to you. I know that broke trust. I let myself go and didn’t own it, please forgive me. I will do my best to keep my word next time.
Note: Once you’ve cleaned up your mess, you are now working to restore trust. You have an opportunity to become either more trustworthy, or not, based upon how you handle life from here.
Declarations for moments of failure:
- Thank you God that you are meeting me here in this challenge.
- I am not defined by this moment—but by your grace to move forward.
- God is building something beautiful in me.
- God is making me a trustworthy person through this.
3. God will cover, lead, and define you in the middle of failure.
He is a Father that leads you from the inside-out. The Holy Spirit guides you into what feels right, and true.
If my kids make a mess, I don’t help them grow by doing everything for them. They have to own it. My goal is to connect with their heart, ask them what they are learning, and help them move forward with the next step.
I never use shame to manipulate them—that’s counterproductive to their growth. Grace empowers us to change.
Psalm 91:4
He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge
As a Father, He will lead you through. I would NEVER abandon one of my kids in failure, no matter what they did! God is the same way!
Often in failure, you get afraid that you’re beyond repair and you’ve gone too far. These familiar lies have to be confronted with the truth of who Jesus is—and the Lord will define you.
When Peter denied Christ, Jesus pursued him—restored him—then established him as a leader, and an Apostle over what Jesus had just shed His blood for.
That is the nature of God.
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Action Step:
- Hold your failure in your hands, close your eyes—offer it to God, and ask him: “Lord is this mess bigger than you?” “Does your blood cover this as well?” “Are you big enough to help me?”
- Sit with the Holy Spirit and ask him how the Father sees you at this moment.
- Do you view God as distant and angry, or like a close loving Father?
- Who comes to mind that can pray for you like a Father?
- What image of God do you need to let go of?
Declarations for moments of failure:
- God said, “I will
never
leave you nor
forsake
you.” in
Hebrews 13:5
- The Father is covering me and leading me at this moment.
- He is forgiving and gracious and holds the final word about my life.
- I am not defined by my worst moment, but by what God says about me.
- I am forgiven, loved, and being empowered to earn trust back.